I am reading AN ACTUAL STORY!
I may have mentioned to you that I can't read. If I haven't told you, you're probably wondering how I manage to write stuff in this 'ere blog if I don't know what each of these weird looking character thingies mean. Well, you're taking my "I can't read" statement literally. Just stop jumping to conclusions for a second, let me take you by the metaphorical hand and lead you gently into Le jardin du Foss, where you will discover exactly what I mean, before being devoured by some crazy meat-eating vines that also have herpes.
When I say "Hey there Slimpy, I can't read", what I actually mean is I find it incredibly difficult to read stories. Be they fact or fiction, it doesn't matter - my imagination won't let me soak in a tale. When I start reading a paragraph, Headbrain One goes into overdrive, conjuring up scenes and images that have yet to be described by aforementioned paragraph. By the time my eyes (and the reading part of my brain) catch up, imagination monster gets annoyed that it's being told something other than it dreamt up. BRAINCONFLICT!
I tend to stick to books that teach me stuff. The ones that bypass the part of my cranial blancmange that likes to daydream. I can read that shit, and digest that shit (ew), and improve myself with that shit. Also I can read comedy as long as it isn't in the form of a novel. Hodgman's works of complete world knowledge, for example, are the kind of thing I can quite happily absorb. Mentally, I mean. Not physically. That's be weird. Awesome, but weird. Aaaanyway...
So many people tell me about great stories they've read, and I feel like I'm missing out. No wait, I know I'm missing out. Fuck, I haven't even read Lord Of The Rings - I get about ten pages in before my grey matter sponge gives up.
So I decided to take control of the situation. Basically, STAND BACK, because I am GOING TO ATTEMPT TO READ A STORY, ALL THE WAY THROUGH!!!
On the recommendation of the Penny Arcade guys, I went and bought this book, with the sole purpose of letting IT rule what my imagination summons.
I started it yesterday evening. It took me a couple of chapters to tell Headbrain One to just shut the fuck up and listen (READ) to what the book is telling me, but I think I got the hang of it. In fact I'm about 1/8th of the way through the book already. So far, it is a good.
Stinker, I'll let you know how it goes when I near the end of it. Loves x
EDIT 17/03/10 - Damn I love this book. Three days with this book and I'm on page 320 - just under half way. Thank you, Patrick Rothfuss, for writing something so awesome that it overpowered my imagination and fixed my inability to read stories.
3 comments:
Wow! Good for you! I always thought that was a weird attribute of yours. I devour books like crisps (and hush, don't tell anyone) but I actually haven't read LOTR either. EEK!
I might be kicked out of school for writing that. But it was worth it. At least you know you're not alone now!
Good luck with your book! You must let me know if it's any good, so I can read it too. Thank you!
You should try Space Opera.
It's a loose genre which lets your imagination take care of the details while the rest of your brain is reconfigured to whatever bizarre societal norm the author has postulated. Basically Sci-Fi with the 'Sci' part relegated to the background.
There tend to be a lot of characters to keep track of though...
I have read LotR the same number of times as I have read The Bible.
I think LotR is basically the post greco/roman Bible.
It's far more readable, but GOD ALMIGHTY there's some barely readable depressing bits in it.
Damnit! Dale's stopped eating cos I'm boxing up all my posessions!
Wait... I hear crunching noises at last. :)
Anything by Neil Gaiman is generally rad for imagination, also you're really not missing out with not reading LotR, the dude was an academic and a linguist, not a writer, as a world and stuff it sure maanged to invent high fantasy but as a book I've never found it that great and the Silmarillion reads like a history book, with less interesting characters. The Hobbits a good book though, as a book, if a bit enid blyton. Anyways, enjoy!
Post a Comment