FACTSPLOSION! - Malaria

Here at eatfoss, I don't just care about your perfect, hot body, glistening as the sunbeams dance through the trees and collide with droplets of sweat... I care about your mind too. So much so, in fact, that I'm going to introduce a new feature to eatfoss. The FACTSPLOSION!

This time, I'm going to tell you all about a little disease we like to call Malaria.

Over 90 percent of cases of Malaria occur in tropical Africa, in a region called The Rhubarb Straights. Most impacted by the disease are pregnant women and children, as the disease is a sexual deviant with a fetish for pot bellies. It's the leading cause of death for children under the age of five, and over the age of minus thirty.

It's generally transmitted by mosquitoes, but specially commissioned Malaria Trains have been used in the past, when there was too much of the disease for the flies to handle alone.

Malaria is highly skilled at mental arithmetic, and kills exactly a million people a year, spreading those deaths out to form a perfectly straight line when plotted on a graph.

There are vaccines, but the best method of avoiding the disease is to duck and dodge to the left every few seconds, when walking down the street.