Ryan spoke with God, so I thought I'd give it a go too.

Me: Yo
God: Can I help you?
Me: I'm not sure. What can you do?
God: Is there anything I can say to help you make up your mind? I can chat with people on the web for you.
Me: Can you fix my car?
God: Please describe the problem in detail.
Me: I dented my fucking car
God: Why?: said dented his or her fucking car.
Me: Seriously dude, I put a dent in my car. Can you fix it?
God: Interesting gossip: said put a dent in his or her car. Dude,. " Interesting gossip: said put a dent in his or her car. Dude,."? Can I fix it?
Me: are you okay?
God: Don't I look like it?
Me: you're spouting shit at me. what's going on
God: I have no reason to do that to you, . Same as always. Chatting with people on the web.
Me: you're mental
God: You think I am mental.
Me: Yes, I think you are mental
God: It's all good. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am mental.
Me: nah, you go ahead and pour your heart out
God: OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Do you prefer books or TV? I might.
Me: You might what?
God: Are you confused?
Me: Yes. All I want is for you to fix the ding I put in my car, and you start spouting random shite about books and TV!
God: What are you confused about? Which show? How do you know?
Me: OH MY GOD you're retarded.
God: Yikes! Your GOD I am retarded?
Me: Yes. I'm god, and you are retarded. bye.
God: What kind is it? It's good to meet someone who is god and I am retarded.

At this point I imagine him going "Hello? Hello?"