My email to colleages

I sent this out office staff today...

Hello, you!

Some of you may be aware of my impending old age; more specifically, this Saturday I shall be turning thirty (for those of you (Rob) that don't understand the concept of using numbers as words, I mean 30) years of age. It's a fairly important birthday (as those that end in zero often are), so I thought I'd do something different, possibly even social, to make a nice change from sitting fully clothed under a cold shower, sobbing uncontrollably. Of course it will have to be somewhere public to provide as many witnesses (alibis) as possible. After all, I don't want a repeat of 2006.

As I've been working here since I was 18, I've known many of you for several years and have come to consider most of you as "colleagues". In fact I must admit I've even grown to like a handful of you, so I feel it'd be a great honour for you to help me celebrate my birthday. Plus it might make me look important if I'm seen hanging around with intelligent, attractive people (ie that lucky 25% of you).

Given Cornwall Council's inexcusable failure to open a branch of Hooters in town, I thought kicking off the evening in Harveys might be a viable (although inferior) alternative. Sure, the drinks are expensive, the atmosphere is depressing and the bar staff are judgemental, but at least the drinks are expensive. Please feel free to bring friends or partners (or mail order internet brides (Rob)). I think it's probably best to head there straight after work so we don't get stuck with the cheap seats, or end up talking to Les.

I am aware of the "recession", so if you'd like to save some money I recommend trying to pay for drinks using a drawing of a spider - see http://people.msoe.edu/~gormand/canihavemyspiderbackot3.gif for details.

I'm off work next week, so I feel it's only fair to apologise in advance for any of the following possibe occurences: Drunkenness, bravado, debauchery, nudity (voluntary or otherwise), swearing, brawling, teabagging, carpetbagging, spillage, throttling, cigar smoking, "cottage cheesing", chortling (and/or laughter-snorting), geese (sacrificial or otherwise), conversation, alcoholism, vomiting (with or without accidental teleportation), destruction of reputation, rumour-milling, backstabbing, ninjery, piracy, excessive gesturing, and chips.

So, for those of you (Rob) that need a recap, I'm saying drinks, Harveys, this Friday May 22nd, around 5pm. I hope to see you there.

Please pass this message on to anyone I may have missed, especially if they have a sense of humour.

Cheers :-)

Foss