Conversation

Ryan:

Why isn't is Friday yet?

Me:

Because the earth’s rotation around the sun conspires against us. Don’t worry; I have plans in place to speed and slow the rate of spin during specific hours, making the days shorter and the nights longer. Also, I’ll be tilting the northern hemisphere toward the sun for 16% longer each year, giving us 2 more months of summer. I’m not sure when this plan will kick in, or indeed whether it will actually work, but I started it off by gyrating my hips. I’m counting on the butterfly effect to do the rest.

As a fallback plan, I’ve set in motion a series of cataclysmic events in the centre of the sun, using the power of my mind. These events will cause Solaris to expand gradually. Eventually our sun will become a red dwarf star, engulfing Mercury, Venus, Earth and possibly Mars too. This might not happen for a few billion years, but at least it’s more of a certainty than my first plan.

Ryan:

Mauhauhauha. “I started it off by gyrating my hips” – genius! :D

I’m afraid I can’t offer a counter that would be in the same league, but maybe that’s cos I’ve used up all my imagination writing some alternate lyrics for Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin.

You're not sorry 'til I make you