Too many old people
There are far too many old people in the world. Here's why.
A) My journey to work should take 5 minutes. It should *not* take 15 minutes while I wait for some old dear to park her tiny peugot in a space fit for a humvee with a caravan.
B) I went to get car tax at lunchtime. Office lunch hour obviously coincides with old lady hour, as the queue was up to the door. Should have been half an hour shorter, in which case I wouldn't have bumped into (and had a go at) the ex's new loser of a boyfriend, I wouldn't have gotten quite so pissed off at seeing them together, I wouldn't have been in such a bad mood at work, I wouldn't have left early because of it and I wouldn't have lost a couple of hours flex time.
C) Tartan trolley deathtraps. Who the fuck leaves them in the coridoor? Well it sure as hell ain't Johnny Fitness getting back from the gym, oh no. It's Granny Shakeyhands that's blocking the hallway with her wheeled plaid monstrosity while she tries to unlock the door to her flat. They should make catflaps for parkinsons sufferers.
D) I'm dreading going to the shops. I have to buy groceries, but I just know I'm going to spend an hour queueing 'cause Granny Smith decided to pay for her bag of Worthers with pennies she's saved up since the 1920s.
E) Yes, Mr Codger, I know your hearing aid doesn't work so well, but that doesn't give you the right to play Glenn fucking Campbell at window-rattling volume. I'll tell you what, I'll send you the bill for new double glazing once these puppies have vibrated out of their frames, okay? I'm sure you'll be able to afford it, what with avoiding your council tax and getting hardcore discounts all over the place.
In conclusion, old people = bad. Feed them to the starving millions in the third world, and use their bones as coastal and flood defences, that's what I say. Another problem solved by the one and only Foss.
Keep it throbbing, me lovelies!
2 comments:
i'm 40. is that too old? it took me twenty seven minutes to shove these letters into this huge box. remember though, the oldies where once young and going at it, or you and I would not be here. you should have ripped the loser boyfriends arms off and used them to beat your way to the front of the line. Here is a good idea. Assign each young person a cadre of old retired people to do their bidding. go ahead with the cat flap idea too and feed them pet food while you are at it.
Holy Smokes Batman! It would appear you hate old people just as much/even more than I do!
Kill them all. Maybe we could have some sort of festival where we get them all together and make them run some sort of gauntlet. Like the running of the Bulls in Spain, except with less running and more shuffling. You'd probably need some cattle prods to keep them moving. The winning 5% of old people would be deemed active enough to become slaves, and the rest we could use the multipupose tool euthanasia as a solution. Then sell them to dog food companies.
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