Grand National

As you're probably not aware of the "grand national" I'll educate you at this moment, honey. It's a horse race, but not any regular everyday run-of-the-mill happy-pants sugar-ant-infested horse race. It's an annual event that happens every twelve months, yearly.

Everyone in England bets on this race because it's the law. If you work in an office, your office will do a sweepstake. If you work in a factory, your factory will do a sweepstake. If you work in a sewer I feel sorry for you, but you'll still do a sweepstake even though you smell of shit.

This year, for the office sweepstake, I have picked (out of a hat) a horse called Forrest Gunner. Apparently it's a good runner and I'm likely to win some money. Maybe even enough to buy a beer.

Anyway, enough of my horseplay (geddit?) and horsing around (geddit?).. Here's a list of some of the runners that are hot to trot (geddit?) - straight from the horses mouth (geddit?). I've also included their odds in case you wanted to have a flutter yourself. You make me feel so sexy.

3-2 Greasy rockballs (the "favourite" as they say in racing circles)
2-1 Damn the pirates
4-1 Mrs Avebury's tasty bap practice
4-1 It's gonna bitch down tonight
5-1 Watermelon Terror (being ridden this year by four-time Grand National winner Randy Newman)
7-1 Do you have my pants?
8-1 Christopher Reeves funky marmot jumper
9-1 The blackness of being complete
and the outsider this year at 90210 - 1 is Ryan's lustful weekend with cheese.

Good luck gamblers!